I feel tired my body wont leave the bed and my mind can't come back, my son looked at me and comment "You suffered 6 heart attacks" and I'm wondering if its my face or his capacity to see thru my eyes into my soul, My first reaction is to roll over and start felling sorry for myself but only children have that pleasure to do it, I have much to say but what to say? so much to understand and only silence responds to my questions, no I can't do it I can't cry my eyes are dry and I feel empty the lagoon of tears have lost it's way to my face and it's cruel, cruel to be happy when those that loved you are suffering, it's cruel to be suffering when does who love you want to be happy.
The 4 day of the week at 2:35 a.m. I found two innocent souls crying under their blanket holding their hands and praying and I ask why? they said we miss her and pray that you will find her so you can smile again, but find who? I can't find that one who's not lost but running, I can't bring that one who does not want to be here but left long ago before her body did... I feel tired my body wont leave the bed and my mind can't come back, humiliation is my reward for my wrongdoings, consciousness of my mistakes tortured me without mercy and I just want to feel sorry for myself but only cowards don't face the truth, suddenly my first night along 20 years ago is like a picture before my eyes in that cold shop sleeping on the floor full of fear my "friends" filling me with hate for those who cared for me for so long... If I could change the past! but only fools return to the past with their minds re-building a could be that is not possible it took me so long to realize that my pride was the object of my destruction pretending to feel fear instead of saying I love you... I was the prodigal son now I am the prodigal father and I just want to feel sorry for myself, but that's not me anymore I'm becoming new and the cocoon it's cracking those whom I love need me and those who love me will be here.
There's time for everything and time can't be stop but can be delay until the right moment arrive... wise is the one who recognizes the change of stations on a year but tears await those who ignored the right station for themselves and their beloved ones.
